Authentic Donor Engagement: 10 Rules for Relationship-Driven Philanthropy
- Heather Wiley Starankovic, CFRE, CAP®
- 13h
- 4 min read
Health care philanthropy succeeds when relationships lead. Yet under constant pressure for results, even seasoned professionals can slip into reactive mode—tracking outputs instead of cultivating meaning.
This four-part series traces the full progression of authentic donor engagement, from first conversation to long-term partnership. Each paper explores a core discipline that defines exceptional philanthropy. In Part 1, we will explore 10 rules for building meaningful donor connections.
The key to sustained success in transformative philanthropy lies in forming genuine authentic relationships with donors and practicing a relationship-based approach. While metrics and dollars raised are critical to any philanthropy program, equally so is cultivating authentic relationships with prospects and donors. Amid competing demands, philanthropy officers too often default to reacting instead of proactively building meaningful relationships. Even more damaging is when the approach is ignored until a solicitation looms. The strategies below keep relationship-building front and center, enabling philanthropy officers to forge and maintain meaningful donor connections that drive continued support, engagement and renewal.
While metrics and dollars raised are critical to any philanthropy program, equally so is cultivating authentic relationships with prospects and donors.
Start with Relationship-Building Questions
In a first meeting with a donor or when reconnecting after time apart, ground the conversation in building a strong foundation. Spend time asking questions that surface the donor’s motivations, values and passions. You are not just collecting facts; you are learning what matters to them so future engagement is relevant and authentic.
Ask Value-Driven Questions
Understanding a donor's core values is essential. Surface the beliefs and motivations that drive their philanthropy. Ask what outcomes they care about, why this cause matters now and how they define meaningful impact. Centering the conversation on values deepens trust and helps you position opportunities where organizational priorities and the donor’s aspirations intersect.
Grow Capacity and Strengthen Bonds
Sustained results come from patient, intentional cultivation. Prioritize consistent, value-adding engagement, including brief updates, mission moments, site visits and impact feedback. This will help create opportunities for meaningful collaboration to surface organically and at the right time.
Revisit Initial Conversations
As relationships deepen, regularly return to the themes of your early conversations. Treat the timeline as a cadence, not a sprint. This ongoing, intentional dialogue keeps the partnership dynamic and surfaces opportunities that align with the donor’s evolving priorities and the organization’s goals.
Communicate Authentically
Being genuine and authentic in conversations is crucial. Approach each interaction with a sincere interest in understanding the donor's perspective, rather than merely seeking capacity or pledge timing. Let your questions reflect your voice and style; avoid anything that sounds canned. Practice a few example questions to build fluency, then adapt in the moment so the exchange feels conversational, credible and authentic.
Follow the Donor's Lead
Invite donors to set the agenda. Let their answers open the next line of inquiry and match their pace and interests. Following their lead signals respect, keeps them engaged and creates space for deeper dialogue.
Practice Active Listening
Listening is a critical skill in relationship building. Treat silence as a tool. Resist the urge to fill pauses; give donors time to reflect and articulate what matters. If you tend to talk fast or over-explain, rehearse intentional pauses with a colleague. Reflect key points (“What I’m hearing is…”) and ask concise follow-ups. Active listening demonstrates respect and genuine interest.
Respect Timing
Significant conversations emerge when readiness is present, not when timelines are imposed. Avoid rushing decisions or imposing timelines. Remember donors give through your organization to accomplish their goals, they do not give to you. By respecting the donor's pace, you align your organization's rhythm with theirs, promoting genuine collaboration.
Capture Notes for Future Engagement
Key insights and understandings gained during conversations should be meticulously captured. Documenting these insights in your CRM allows your organization to sustain meaningful dialogues, fostering long-term connections. Detailed documentation ensures seamless continuity across staff and sustains meaningful, long-term engagement, just as clinical teams rely on thorough notes to deliver excellent care.
Nurture Relationships and Adapt
Donor relationships evolve, and your approach should evolve with them. Maintain steady, meaningful touch points to show ongoing commitment beyond any single gift opportunity. Stay aligned with changing interests, priorities or circumstances. By nurturing relationships over time and adapting as they grow, you build deeper trust and create space for authentic, long-term partnership.
By nurturing relationships over time and adapting as they grow, you build deeper trust and create space for authentic, long-term partnership.
By adopting a relationship-centered approach to donor interactions, philanthropic organizations can strengthen their bonds with benefactors. This approach not only enhances donor satisfaction and engagement but propels the organization towards long-term success. It allows the donor to give with joy while enabling philanthropy officers to stay focused on high-value, purpose-aligned work. Emphasizing authenticity, active listening and respect will ensure that your philanthropy program is relationship-based, and donor relationships remain robust and impactful.
Key Takeaways
Start with relationship-building questions when meeting a donor for the first time or reconnecting after a long pause.
Ask value-driven questions to explore what's important to them and why they care.
Explore capacity and timing only after a foundation of trust is established.
Revisit questions over time as relationships evolve and new opportunities emerge.
Be genuinely curious and authentic—ask because you want to understand, not because you are trying to close a gift.
Follow the donor's lead—let their responses open doors to deeper dialogue. Follow the green lights in the conversation. Be donor-led.
Practice active listening. Do not rush to fill gaps. Let silence work for you. Allow donors to reflect.
Respect timing—major gift discussions should emerge naturally, not be rushed by our timeline, but follow the donor’s timeline.
Take notes—key insights should be captured in your CRM to inform future engagement.
Continuously nurture and revisit relationships, adapting as circumstances and priorities change.
About the Authors:
Heather Wiley Starankovic, CFRE, CAP, is a Principal Consultant with Accordant. She can be reached at Heather@AccordantHealth.com or through LinkedIn. Amy Dorrill, FAHP, CFRE, is a Principal Consultant and Community Health & Well-Being Practice Leader with Accordant. She can be reached at Amy@AccordantHealth.com or through LinkedIn.
